GRONUMBULATOR!

It’s been five and a half hours.

I want to go home.

Edit: I made it home, but it ended up taking a total of 8.5 hours. Blech.

telnet towel.blinkenlights.nl

It’s like something out of Brave Newt World…

Couple barred from house after protected newts move in

Since floods ruined their £1million home, John and Margie Histed have been squeezed into a caravan in the grounds.

That was eight months and £250,000 worth of repairs ago.

Yet the couple still can’t move back into the house - because the great crested newt apparently got there first.

The slippery squatter was discovered when a blocked drainage ditch near the couple’s garden sent water coursing through the property again last week.

This time, because carpets have yet to be laid and renovations incomplete, the damage was minimal.

But the Histeds’ plans to unblock the defective ditch have been refused - because officials suspect a family of great crested newts has settled in to it.

They have ordered a three-month survey to look for the protected species but this cannot even begin until June.

Work to remove any amphibians found would then take several more months.

This means the Histeds have had to put their renovations on hold, terrified that the ditch could flood again.

“I know it’s the law but it’s very frustrating and bordering on the ridiculous that the fate of newts takes precedence over humans,” said Mrs Histed, a 68-year-old retired doctor.

From Daily Mail.

Mr. Fink-Nottle, director of the Wiltshire Newt Survey Team, is on record saying, “It’s not just about conservation. It’s about conversation. This is really something we should discuss with our amphibious friends before rushing into action. I wish the world were a newt.”

As for me, I would have already started my barbecue.

Check your calendar. Unless April Fool’s Day was moved along with St. Patrick’s, we still have a few days to go.

The undisputed queen of ‘any day now’ album releases, Chinese Democracy (Axl Rose), has long been the butt of many jokes. When I say ‘long,’ I mean it. It’s now in it’s 17th year of production.

According to Spin Magazine, the only way CD won’t flop is if it’s the best rock album ever. Ever.

Don’t get your hopes up. I’m not posting to tell you it’s out. (Why would you think that?) It’s actually much more surreal than that. But before we get to the strangeness, I need to get a few of the aforementioned tired jokes out of the way:

1. Yeah, yeah. There really will be democracy in China before Rose releases his next album.

2. Axl is waiting for cornrows to come back into style before releasing Chinese Democracy.

3. Geffen Records is planning a special release party for Chinese Democracy that coincides with David Geffen and Keanu Reeves’ 30th wedding anniversary. Now that will be a killer party.

4. When you’re high, you never, ever wanna come down, so down, so down, so down.

5. Sebastian Bach wants enough time to pass so that history blurs the line between him and the non-lame Bach.

6. Hurr hurr. Chinese Dumbocracy.

Now that we have those out of the way, we can get to the zany part. Click below to read on… there might be a free soda in it for you.

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Watch out, Italy has a new supervillain!

From the BBC:

‘Hypnotist’ thief hunted in Italy
Police in Italy have issued footage of a man who is suspected of hypnotising supermarket checkout staff to hand over money from their cash registers. In every case, the last thing staff reportedly remember is the thief leaning over and saying: “Look into my eyes”, before finding the till empty.

In the latest incident captured on CCTV, he targeted a bank at Ancona in northern Italy, then calmly walked out.

A female bank clerk reportedly handed over nearly 800 euros (£630).

The cashier who was shown the video footage has no memory of the incident, according to Italian media, and only realised what had happened when she saw the money missing. CCTV from the bank showed her apparently being hypnotised by the man, according to the reports. Italian police believe the suspect could be of Indian or North African extraction.

I suspect this is a job for ITALIAN SPIDERMAN!

An infamous moonshiner who wrote of his craft in the book “Me and My Likker” has been busted by federal authorities after search warrants yielded moonshine stills and more than 800 gallons of the illegal firewater at his Parrottsville home, the U.S. Attorney’s Office announced today.

Marvin “Popcorn” Sutton, 61, made an initial appearance this afternoon before U.S. District Magistrate Judge Dennis Inman in Greeneville on charges including three counts of making moonshine and one count of being a felon in possession of a firearm.

Sutton’s prowess at brewing up homemade liquor has been documented not only in his book but also featured on television shows and in a video he produced and posted on the Internet entitled “The last run of likker I’ll ever make.”

According to a release from U.S. Attorney Russ Dedrick, Sutton drew the attention of the U.S. Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco, Firearms and Explosives and the Tennessee Alcoholic Beverage Commission after he was nabbed in Cocke County for using a still to cook up the untaxed liquor. He was convicted in that case in April 2007 and was on probation.

Federal authorities raided his Parrottsville property on Thursday, seizing three stills with 1,000-gallon capacities, hundreds of gallons of moonshine-making ingredients such as mash, more than 850 gallons of finished product, guns and ammunition, Dedrick said.

“Moonshine is romanticized in folklore and the movies,” ATF Special Agent in Charge James Cavanaugh said in the release. “The truth, though, is that moonshine is a dangerous health issue and breeds other crime.”

So that’s where his career went.

… never answer their phone OR call me back in a reasonable amount of time.

While researching Seam Carving today, I came across an awesome web-based tool: Rsizr. It’s truly amazing, and you should go play with it right now. The “remove” tool is particularly impressive.

If you’re not familiar seam carving, but are even remotely interested in image manipulation, check it out.

See more for some quick examples that I whipped up…

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Elijah loves oranges, but not for their taste. It’s because they’re strikingly similar in shape to his favorite toy, his soccer ball. Yes, every time we pass them in the grocery store, he points and shouts “ball!” until we put a few in a bag next to him in the cart.